Mimosa
by Namls
Summary: Before Merry went on the adventure he was courting the prettiest lass in the Shire. When he returns he's no longer sure of what he wants.


It was a lovely winter night, but nobody could tell judging by the four characters sitting by the burning fire. The looks on their faces were ill-matched to the clear sky above them, the beautiful lands surrounding them and the warm crackle of the fire. They were out on a meadow, sitting on a pair of logs they had pulled up to their campsite, and anyone would think they would be in a splendid mood. But three of them sported looks that were more sad than happy and the fourth was less enthusiastic than he would have been because of the mood his three companions were in.

The four Hobbits had decided to go out on this night before it got too cold to be socially acceptable, winter was just beginning and the other Hobbits of the Shire were not accustomed to sleeping outdoors at all times of the year as these four were. The Battle of Bywater had stood ten days earlier and the War of the Ring was officially over. The journey the four Hobbits had been on had come to its end but they wanted this final evening by a campfire together as a way to mark the ending of their adventure.

Usually Hobbits were cheerful beings. But time and toil had changed that for three fourths of this company.

Frodo Baggins, who was seated on one of the logs with his Elven cape wrapped tightly around him, had been marked for life from carrying the One Ring. He had survived the task and handled it better than any man could, but the price he had been forced to pay was the qualities which made Hobbits so carefree and fun loving.

Right next to him sat Meriadoc Brandybuck with his head leaned on Frodo's shoulder and a deep frown which did not go well with his nickname Merry. He had always been a bit more grave than most Hobbits but he had gotten even more so after the journey. The Black Shadow which had infected him at the Battle of the Pelennor Fields had left its mark on him just as the weight of the Ring had on Frodo.

On the other log, staring into the fire but probably not seeing it, sat Pippin Took. If it was the quick brush with the palantír or all the death and sorrow he had seen which had changed him no one knew, but it was clear that he had lost a great deal of the innocence which had made him so jolly and carefree. Pippin had grown up during the journey, more than any of his companions had.

Sam Gamgee, the fourth Hobbit in the group, was kneeling on the ground by the fire cooking dinner and making tea according to Merry's instructions. He declined any offers of help; he wanted to cook this last campsite meal for them all by himself as he had often done during the journey. Sam was the only one who was still as much a Hobbit when he returned as when he left. He had a fiancée and bright hopes for the future. But the sight of his three friends so gloomy made it difficult for him to be at high spirits.

"Aren't we a sad group?" Merry finally said with a sigh. "Here we are, all our problems solved and all our adventures survived… The Shire is safe once again and we can continue with our lives knowing that there are no worse problems ahead now than a bad harvest or somebody coming down with the flu. And yet all we can do is sit here and mope as if our lives had come to an end."

"Speak for yourself" Frodo snorted. "You may be moping my dear Merry but I am at high spirits."

"I've seen higher spirits at a funeral" Pippin remarked.

Merry made a face and Pippin offered an apologetic smile. Merry still had the funeral of Théoden King in fresh memory and did not wish to be reminded of it. If it was one thing Pippin hadn't lost it was his big mouth which always managed to find the wrong thing to say at the wrong time.

"I admire you Sam" Frodo said. "If it wasn't for the three of us looking like we'd lost everything you would be sitting here smiling."

"I bet he's thinking of Rosie" Pippin said with a teasing smile. "And I also bet that if it wasn't so dark out we'd see the colour of his cheeks turn exactly that. Rosy."

"Now come on Pippin, that's not fair" Sam said with a blush. They all knew very well that he would never dare to tease any of the other three.

"I think Sam is on the right track" Merry said. "We all ought to settle down and get married, start our own families… That would be the natural step from this point on. I'm sure that a loving lass to keep your bed warm at night could cure almost any depression."

"Perhaps…" Frodo said, not sounding too convinced.

"That shouldn't be a problem for you, cousin" Pippin said to Merry with a sideways glance. "Or have you forgotten all about Mimosa Bracegirdle?"

"No" Merry sighed. "I haven't."

"The fairest lass in three farthings, if not four farthings and Buckland!" Pippin continued. "Running after you, clearly seeking your attention, and it seems like it took her quite a while to get it! Any other lad in the Shire would have gladly given a toe or a finger, excuse me Frodo, to get her attention. And now you have returned and she's waited for you and clearly wants you still, and yet you sit here moaning as if you had no belles at all."

"Thank you Peregrin, I said I remembered her" Merry said icily.

Sam shrugged his shoulders at the conversation and focused on the cooking. Merry's love life was nothing he considered to be his business and he didn't know anything about what had went on between Merry and Mimosa before they left the Shire. He had known that the two were to be considered an item, and that Merry could think himself lucky for having her attention, but he didn't know anything more than that. They had never spoken of their love lives while out on their journey. It had been easier to forget about those you longed for at home.

"What's the matter?" Pippin asked his cousin. "Am I wrong in presuming that she wants you still? Perhaps the longing look I saw her give you when you returned was really just a longing to steal your pony."

"Alright Pippin" Frodo said, hoping the two would not begin to quarrel.

"Of course I am aware of her affection" Merry said.

"Then what is the problem? You just said you wanted a wife… Mimosa is the most coveted maiden around, you know that."

"Yes I am aware of how popular she is" Merry said and sat up more straight, wondering how many times he had said the word _aware_ in the past few minutes. "And she is pretty enough, for a Hobbit. I've had a lot of fun with her."

"Even though it took you forever to notice her" Frodo commented.

Merry chuckled.

"Oh I noticed her alright. I just wasn't sure that she was serious about me. I figured if she wasn't really interested she would stop flirting when I didn't give anything back but after more than a year I realised she must care for real. And like I said, we've had a lot of fun together."

Pippin couldn't help but laugh, a sound which startled the other three but made them lighter at heart.

"Trust you cousin Merry not to notice the affections of a beautiful lass! The whole Shire knew she was head over heels for you long before the two of you became an item."

Pippin's laughter spread on to Frodo who gave Merry an elbow in the side which would normally have caused Merry to blush. The subject of Mimosa had always been a bit touchy with Merry and Frodo and Pippin both knew it. Merry didn't like wearing his heart on his sleeve and before you could get him to admit that he was interested in a lass he had probably already been courting her for a few weeks. Though this particular night Merry seemed unfazed by the teasing.

"Well we became one at last" he simply said and brushed a strain of hair away from his face. "To my father's great joy. I don't think he would have minded to have Mimosa for a daughter-in-law."

"Who would?" Frodo asked.

"She seemed awfully intent on being his daughter-in-law" Pippin said and grabbed the plate of food handed to him by Sam. "Once she had you it was clear that she had no intent of letting you go. I really don't understand it, it's not fair! She could have any lad she wanted and she decided that she wanted my boring old cousin. She is closer to my age than to yours Merry, you'd think she'd go after the dashing younger one of us."

"Perhaps we should focus on eating our food" Sam said and handed a plate to Frodo. He didn't want them to argue.

"I sure wouldn't have minded her affections" Frodo grinned and ignored Sam's comment. He gave Merry another nudge. "And you didn't seem to either. It's harder to get water from a rock than to get information out of you sometimes, but you can't deny that you enjoyed yourself immensely."

"How could I not?" Merry said. "Of course I was aware of her beauty and how popular she was, every lad was! And she chose me. It was very flattering. She's an amazing dancer, a funny person to be around and all it takes is a look from her to make you forget that you are in a crowd."

Pippin grinned and nodded while chewing his food. Sam just shook his head and sat down next to Pippin with his own dinner on a plate in his lap.

"I remember when you first started returning her affection" Frodo said and continued to talk even though he had his mouth full of food. Merry was actually talking about this subject and it had to be milked for all its worth. "People didn't expect it to last longer than a month. They said that Mimosa only wanted you because you were hard to get, and once she had you it was no fun anymore. And they said so with all rights, after all, she has never stayed with a lad for more than a month or two in the past. But by the time I moved to Buckland the two of you had been an item for more than two years."

"She must have been so livid when you just left like that without a word of warning" Pippin said, also talking with food on his mouth. "She was expecting you to propose to her any day and you just vanished. I've seen lads get scared when their relationships turn serious, but you really took the price in running!"

"I couldn't figure out what was taking you so long" Frodo admitted. "Anybody else would have proposed to her by that time! Especially since everybody was expecting the two of you to marry. But that night at Crickhollow when we made our plans together I realised why you had waited. You didn't want any promises made between the two of you when you were leaving for such a dangerous adventure."

Merry neither confirmed nor denied this. He seemed preoccupied with his food and Pippin and Frodo shared a disappointed look. Apparently the topic was closed for discussion. Pippin was however not one to give up so easily.

"Forgive me Merry, but there's one thing I've noticed while you've talked of her…" he said. "You keep talking about her in past tense. And you also said that she is beautiful, _for a Hobbit_. What's all that supposed to mean?"

Merry sighed and put his food aside. The look on his face made Pippin regret that he had even asked. It had been fun to tease Merry like in the old days and even more fun to laugh together with Frodo again. But now he seemed to have taken it a step too far.

"Never mind!" he said before Merry could answer his question. "Really, it's none of my business. I'm just pestering you because my own love life has been so stale lately."

"You haven't even seen a female Hobbit for a year" Sam pointed out, annoyed with Pippin for not paying more attention to the food.

"I of course meant before we left" Pippin said, unbothered by Sam now that he was in a good mood for a change. "I carried such a torch for Pansy Goold I remember, but she wasn't very interested. I kind for forgot about her once we began to plan our secret journey though…"

Now it was Merry's turn to laugh.

"So much for love, eh?" he said. "Good thing for Pansy that she never returned your feelings I say!"

"I'm too young to settle down" Pippin grinned, waving his hand excusingly. "I refuse to be enticed enough by a lass to want to marry her until I have at least come of age!"

"So that's his excuse, but what is yours?" Frodo asked Merry. "For not having gone directly to Mimosa and asked her to marry you, I mean! It only took Sam the blink of an eye to get himself engaged."

"Now Mister Frodo…" Sam said with a blush, embarrassed by the mentioning of his own love life.

"And what was that you said about her beauty?" Frodo went on. "You said she's very beautiful _for a Hobbit_. What on earth is that supposed to mean?"

"It means she's not as fair as an Elf" Sam pointed out and sulked.

Frodo and Pippin had completely forgotten they had food on their plates and Merry didn't seem to feel what his tasted. Sam had put a lot of energy into this meal, since it would be their last before they all agreed that their adventure had come to its end. His three companions could have been eating grass for all they knew.

"We knew that already" Frodo said to Merry. "But then again you hadn't seen an Elf before you left the Shire."

"She's not only less fair that the Elves…" Pippin said with a look at his older cousin. "Something tells me that there is a certain human she can't quite compare too either. Am I right?"

A slight blush appeared on Merry's cheeks, disguised by the darkness.

"She is not as fair as the Lady Éowyn if that is what you're asking" he said to Pippin. "But that is neither here nor there. Mimosa is the most beautiful Hobbit lass I have ever seen. It would hardly be fair to compare here to women of other races."

Then he skilfully steered the conversation over to a different topic, bringing up the Elves to make Sam start to talk excitedly. After a few minutes Frodo and Pippin had forgotten all about Merry and Mimosa and were deep into a discussion about whether or not Rivendell Elves where superior to Mirkwood Elves. The mood around the open fire had gotten much lighter and for now their sorrows seemed to be forgotten about. But Merry couldn't help but feel that in many ways his problems had just begun.

**XX  
XX**

The next morning they parted by the Brandywine Bridge. Sam was heading back to Hobbiton, Frodo was set to go pack up the rest of his things at Crickhollow and Merry and Pippin were going to their respective homes. They had decided to move in to Crickhollow once Frodo had left it but for now they were staying with their parents in the halls they would one day be masters of.

Pippin however changed his mind at the Brandywine Bridge and decided to follow Merry to Brandy Hall instead of going back to the Great Smials right away. Sam said goodbye and rode off in his direction while the other three rode together into Buckland. Frodo soon left the other two behind and galloped to Crickhollow, eager to get all of his things packed up as soon as possible. Once they were alone Pippin suggested to Merry that they should take a longer ride. They were right by the stables of Brandy Hall and it was far too fine a day to go inside so soon. Merry disagreed at that statement, it was getting colder by the hour and the winds were starting to blow, but Pippin insisted and Merry gave in. It was easier than to argue.

"What do you need to go out riding in this weather for?" Merry asked with a sigh as his pony jumped back from a leaf blowing by.

"I don't know, I just felt too restless to go inside and be with all those Hobbits…"

"Where else would you like to go?" Merry asked. "A warm Hobbit hole beats a cold road no matter how many nosy relatives there are."

Pippin smiled.

"I guess I just didn't want it to end too soon, that's all… Our last part of the adventure. It feels like once we step inside our homes it will really be over for good."

"I know…" Merry said.

They rode in silence for a while. The need to fill a silence had been gone for so long that neither of them even remembered that there had been such a need in the past. There was nobody in the Fellowship that they felt they needed to fill a silence with, especially when out riding or walking.

"Merry…" Pippin said after a while and sighed. "Is it just me, or does the everyday life that awaits us now seem so… mundane? After all that we have experienced it seems boring to me to just marry and have children and go about as if nothing had ever happened. I constantly find myself postponing anything that might lead to an ordinary life."

"It does seem a bit dull doesn't it?" Merry said. "Our lives' greatest happenings are behind us. What can the future possibly hold that could compare to what's now in our past?"

"Is that why you're holding off asking Mimosa to marry you?" Pippin asked gently, giving Merry a careful glance. "I'm not trying to tease you or pressure you, honest. I just want to know."

"Yes, it's that…" Merry said. "That, and… well…"

"Well what?"

"Do you know why it took me so long to take her affection for me seriously?"

"Because you're as blind as a bat?" Pippin suggested.

"Because I wasn't sure that she really cared for **me** rather than for what I would become… Master of Buckland. Quite a prize for a lass."

"But Merry everyone knows that she really cares for **you**" Pippin said. "She adores you; don't you see it when she looks at you?"

"I do now" Merry said. "Do you know why I haven't proposed to her yet?"

"I think it's because you're afraid of things to change."

"Most of all it's because I'm still not sure that she wants me for me. I know that she cares a lot for me; there is no question about that. I'm just concerned that those feelings have come from who I will be rather than who I am."

"Trust me Merry, if all she deep down wanted was your title she would not have waited around for you after you were presumed dead."

"Perhaps not… But it is a bit more than that as well. I just can't put my finger to what it is…"

"She is such a beautiful woman Merry" Pippin said. "If you don't ask her soon you are going to lose her to someone else. Is that what you want? You can't expect her to wait around forever and get nothing in return."

"I know" Merry said, sounding dejected. "I know…"

Pippin wished he had some pearl of wisdom to offer his cousin but when it came to relationships he was a hopeless failure. None of his crushes lasted very long and so far he had not had any relationship last longer than two weeks. Merry's years together with Mimosa was an eternity he could not even imagine.

**XX  
XX**

In spite of how cold it was outside nearly a hundred Hobbits had gathered at the Great Smials to celebrate the end of 1419 and to hope together that 1420 would be a better year. Two thirds of the Hobbits were Tooks or Brandybucks and the rest were mainly Bagginses, Boffinses, Bracegirdles and the occasional Bolger and Chubb. Frodo, Merry and Pippin were there, all three of them planning on setting aside their gloomier sides and having fun together with their old friends.

Merry had Mimosa by his side. Her arm was around his waist and she did not leave him for a moment longer than she necessarily had to. Now that he was considered a hero and one of the saviours of the Shire she was very eager to subtly point out to all the lasses who looked at him that he was hers. Merry seemed very content in her company and soon the whispering had started again that Young Master Merry was sure to ask for Miss Mimosa's hand before long. The couple was seen eating together and socialising together, neither of them going very far without the other. Frodo complained in a sigh to Pippin that for all Merry cared they could have spent New Year's Eve at Bag End. Pippin had to agree that Merry probably wouldn't notice if they left, but he was happy for his cousin's sake and didn't mind as much. But he saw Merry every day and Frodo didn't, so he could understand why his friend was a bit annoyed.

"He hasn't seen Mimosa much since we returned" Pippin explained to him. "There has been so much to do that they haven't had time to meet."

Frodo nodded but wasn't quite content with the explanation. He didn't begrudge Merry time with Mimosa but he did wish his friend would tear himself from her side at least for long enough to be social with those he was closest to. Frodo had always hated when friends of his fell in love and stopped paying attention to their friends. It was arrogant. In his mind Frodo wondered how Pippin would feel if Merry got married soon and his wife moved in with the both of them. Pippin would have to live with the fact that he would be shoved aside.

Frodo tried to catch Merry's eye and after a few minutes succeeded. He nodded to Merry to come over and the other Hobbit looked unsure for a second. He motioned to Mimosa who was talking to a friend of hers and then made a gesture that seemed to say that he couldn't at the moment. Frodo kept in an annoyed sigh and Merry seemed to sense his reaction and turned his head away to look at Mimosa's friend.

With a content sigh Mimosa rested her cheek on Merry's shoulder and said a few final words to her friend before wrapping both her arms around Merry's waist from the side and looking up at him with admiring eyes. Merry felt awkward seeing the look in her eyes but her smile was impossible not to return and he placed a kiss on her forehead, happy that she was there.

"I didn't see much of you during 1419" she said. "But now we are greeting 1420 together and I hope that means we will be together more this year."

"I think I can promise you that" Merry said gently.

Together they walked past the tables with refreshment and nodded a greeting to Thain Paladin, Pippin's father, and his wife Eglantine. They continued past where the band would play later on in the evening and stopped when they came to a more secluded area behind three large cherry trees.

When they kissed Merry felt his worries from before disappear as if by magic. Being with her now was the best feeling he had had in weeks, maybe months, and her hands on his back made him feel as warm as if it was the middle of summer. She was the fairest lass in all the Shire and she was in his arms. She had waited for him while he had been gone and seemed to think it had been worth the wait. The two had been a couple for nearly four years if you counted the time Merry had been away and he owed it to her to make the commitment real. He couldn't picture himself being with any other lass than her. The only thing he couldn't figure out was what really made him hesitate so much. Whenever he was with her he forgot all the hesitations he had ever had, he had forgotten that she had that power over him.

"I've missed you" she said when their kiss ended.

"I'm back now" he said.

"Did you miss me?"

He replied by kissing her again.

Later that evening, when 1419 had become 1420, he held her in his arms and danced the last dance of the evening together with her. Her left arm was wrapped around his neck and her left cheek rested against his chest. He was taller now than she was used to from before but she seemed to like the change. It seemed as if she fitted even better in his arms now. As they danced he felt like he never wanted to let her go. He could see other Hobbits looking at them, most of them on the sly but a few quite openly. All the eyes that watched them seemed to be smiling in silent approval. He knew that himself and Mimosa were the ideal couple. Their heroic Merry and their fair Mimosa. At this moment he couldn't think of anything that was missing from their relationship.

**XX  
XX**

"Fatty if you need to borrow money just ask" Pippin said and stole one of Merry's gloves to warm his hand in the cold day. "No big deal."

"I didn't say I needed to borrow money" Fatty objected.

"Which is why I'm telling you to ask" Pippin said and rolled his eyes.

Frodo grinned and shook his head. Frodo, Pippin, Fatty and Merry were out for a walk and Fatty had begun to talk about how he disliked living with his parents when he was in his forties. Frodo had suggested that he should buy his own house but Fatty had seemed less happy about the idea. They all knew that Fatty did not have enough money to buy a house on his own and Pippin seemed certain that it was the only thing keeping him from doing so.

"Well Fatty, perhaps you should listen to Pip" Merry said and shrugged his shoulder. "There's no point in refraining from getting what you want for financial reasons when you have friends who can easily help you out in that department."

"I may not be a Thain-to-be or a Master's son, or heir to Bilbo Baggins' fortunes" Fatty said dryly. "But I am not financially stranded. I can get money if I need it, if not else from borrowing it. That's not what's keeping me."

"What is it then?" Frodo asked.

Fatty sighed.

"For one, why throw away money at a house when I will inherit my parents' house someday? My father is almost ninety and he's ill, and my mother is in her eighties… I can wait ten years if it saves me all that money."

"If that were the case you wouldn't be complaining so much" Pippin snorted.

"As much as I want to move out I just don't think I can. You know how demanding my parents can be, and if I move out that leaves Estella all alone with them…"

"You mean to tell me you would stay with your parents even though you don't want to for your **sister**?" Pippin exclaimed. "For goodness sake Fatty! I wouldn't stay a minute for one of mine."

"And knowing that makes you all the more endearing" Fatty said dryly.

"Come now Fatty, you know Pip is right" Frodo said. "You can't stay for Estella's sake. She's a grown lass, she can fend for herself. Your parents aren't **that** demanding, you just don't like that they require more from you than sitting on your rear end eating crab cakes all day long."

"Besides, your sister will marry eventually and move out" Merry said.

Fatty gave him a look but didn't say anything. Pippin stuck his glove free hand under Fatty's arm and squeezed it as they approached the house where Fatty lived with his parents and his sister.

"How about you take a moment to think of what you want and what you need?" he said. "After all that has happened I think you've earned putting yourself first. I know you're thinking of what will happen to your sister when your parents die if you have moved out and she is unmarried but if that happens then she can just move in with you where you are living then. And if I were you I'd worry more about your own marital status than hers at the moment. It's about time for you to settle down. If you don't hurry old Merry might even beat you to it."

The last was said with a teasing glare at Merry who was still not engaged. Merry only laughed however and went inside the house with no comment. The four Hobbits rubbed their arms and stomped their feet on the floor to get warm. Rosamunda Bolger, Fatty's mother, greeted them from the kitchen and told them to sit down by the table and await some hot soup. The quartet happily sat down and began to playfully bicker over the bread placed in a basket on the table.

"Can't you boys be civil and show us all that you've learned how to share?" Estella Bolger, Fatty's sister, said with a smile and placed a plate of butter on the table.

"We live by other laws!" Merry exclaimed, mocking a fierce warrior. "It is a constant battle of survival and only the fittest will win!"

"Too bad for you then, Fatty" Estella said with a teasing smile and left for the kitchen.

"See, that's the only thanks you'll ever get from a sister" Pippin said and handed one half of his bread to Merry while taking half of his cousin's in return. "Now which bread is better, the dark or the white?"

The four of them continued their playful banter while Rosamunda brought in the soup and Fatty's family sat down to join the guests for dinner. After the meal was finished Fatty declared that his friends came to visit far too seldom and made them all promise that they would come by more often. Frodo dryly commented that Fatty could also come visit them if he wanted to see them, to which Fatty complained that he didn't want to ride too far when it was so cold out.

After dinner they sat down in the sitting room, sipping hot tea and talking about old times. Fatty's mother and sister joined them with their knitting after a while but Fatty's father had a cough and went to bed. Fatty grinned at his friends and put his cup of tea aside to feast on a sandwich.

"To think that the last time we sat down together by an open fire this way it was the night before you left the Shire" he said.

"Could we please talk of something else?" Frodo said.

"Sorry. I just felt nostalgic, that's all."

"Nostalgic" Pippin muttered. "I don't get so nostalgic when I remember being carried around by orcs and forced to drink their gruesome brews."

"Aren't you sorry you didn't come with us Fatty?" Frodo said teasingly.

"Now you are the ones who are talking about it" Fatty pointed out and sulked for a moment.

"We can talk of the weather if you'd prefer" Merry said and leaned back in the armchair he shared with Frodo. "I know it's only January but if you ask me winter is more than welcome to give way for spring."

"You're only saying that because you hate not being able to crash parties" Pippin said. "When it's cold and parties are indoors it's much harder to sneak in."

"I beg your pardon!" Merry cried. "I haven't crashed a party in my life!"

"Right… That was me…" Pippin said and gave Merry a teasing grin.

"I'm sorry Rosamunda, you must think we do nothing but quarrel" Frodo said to Fatty's mother.

"Not to worry, I know harmless banter when I hear it" Rosamunda said with a smile.

"It's awful nice of you to let us stay for a while" Frodo continued and moved his shoulder to be more comfortable in the shared chair. "The downside of being a bachelor is that there are too few nights by the fireplace like this."

"Yes I must admit the sound of the knitting brings a certain homey feel" Pippin said. "I miss that from when I lived with my parents and my sisters. I've been trying to make Merry take up knitting but he just won't do it."

The others couldn't help but laugh when they saw the shocked looks on Rosamunda and Estella's faces and Pippin had to ensure them that he was only joking. Merry decided that it was about time they went back to Crickhollow before Pippin could say anything else inappropriate and they thanked the Bolgers kindly for dinner and company as they got ready to leave.

While the trio untied their horses and made way for Crickhollow, where Merry and Pippin had just moved in and Frodo moved out, Pippin cast another glance at the house and wondered about why Fatty didn't move out when he so wanted to. He asked his friends what they thought and Frodo just shrugged his shoulders. In his opinion Fatty was just scared to change the patterns he was comfortable with. Merry didn't have much of an idea either.

"Fatty does seem lonely though, don't you think?" he said.

"We need to find Fatty a lass" Pippin concluded.

"No I think we need to spend some more time with him" Merry said. "The three of us, four if you include Sam, grew very close while we were away. Before we left Fatty was in the circle with us but now he's not really."

"I was never as close with him as I was with you two" Frodo said. "We've always had our own little circle… But I guess you're right. It must be a bit sad for him that we've come back and grown even closer and we don't come visit him a lot."

Pippin sighed.

"Is there anything that hasn't changed for the worse while we were gone? Now we have to cater to Fatty's special friendship needs? I am tired of constantly apologising for the few perks our journey actually brought with it."

The others didn't reply. They rode on in silence and when they came to Crickhollow they had a quiet supper and got ready for bed without saying much. The mood was gloomy again and without a fourth party to brighten things up nobody seemed intent on trying to laugh or smile. Until Frodo suddenly stopped on his way to what had been his bedroom, but was now a guest room, and looked at Merry and Pippin.

"You know Pippin there are some perks to the bad things our journey brought with it, almost like a balance to the bad things coming with the perks."

"And what might that be?"

"The three of us have grown so close that even when we are all gloomy it's fun to be around you."

Pippin suddenly grinned.

"I'll drink to that!" he exclaimed.

"And off to bed you go!" Merry declared and pushed him towards his bedroom.

"No, wait, I just want to make a suggestion before I go to bed" Pippin said. "What do you two say we try to visit Fatty once a month at the least? It's often enough for you Frodo to come spend the night here and if Fatty finds it seldom enough he can come visit us for a change."

"Great, it's settled, now go to bed" Merry said and continued to push his cousin down the hallway.

**XX  
XX**

Over the course of the following months Frodo, Merry and Pippin visited Fatty together the first Saturday of each month. Between those visits Merry and Pippin made sure to drop by every once in a while, often together but sometimes by themselves. Fatty seemed to appreciate the visits but Merry decided that once summer arrived it would be up to Fatty to come visit them instead.

In May Pippin threw himself head first into a romance with Dora Boffin but quickly realised he wasn't as smittened with her as he had thought. In order to get out of the situation he set her up with Fatty and crossed his fingers that Dora wouldn't be mad at him. Merry on his part continued his relationship with Mimosa but admitted to Pippin that he had his serious doubts about it. Whenever he was with her he felt like he wanted to be with her forever but when he was apart from her he wasn't so sure. It was as if he was only interested in her when she was nearby. Pippin shrugged his shoulders and pointed out that if he married her she would always be nearby and Merry couldn't help but laugh at the simple logics.

On Midsummer's Eve that year Sam married Rosie Cotton and they moved in together at Bag End. Merry and Pippin attended the wedding and stayed behind in Hobbiton for a few days. On their way back to Crickhollow Pippin decided to take a detour to the Great Smials and steal something they could have for dinner but Merry was hesitant to go with him and be an accomplice to the crime. He continued on his own and decided to stop by and visit Fatty on the way back.

Nobody answered the door and Merry frowned. He didn't like the idea of having taken a detour to visit Fatty only to learn that nobody was home. He knocked again and this time heard someone hurrying to answer the door.

That someone turned out to be Estella. She apologised for the delay and explained that she had been in the middle of marinating the dinner. Merry looked down at her greasy fingers and offered an apology for interrupting her while she was cooking.

"I just stopped by to see your brother for a moment" he explained. "Pip and I were on our way back from Hobbiton and let's just say Pippin found a way to bring home dinner tonight."

"Fatty's not here" Estella told him. "He is out with Dora Boffin. But I expect him to be back within twenty minutes or so, he hasn't missed a meal for as long as I have known him unless he has been forced to."

"Out with Dora? My word, I didn't know that had actually worked. Pippin must be so pleased…"

"Would you like to come in and wait?" Estella asked, not really sure of what he was talking about. "Like I said, I don't expect him to be long. We're having a late luncheon in about half an hour. You're welcome to join us if you'd like."

"Thank you, but I think I will pass on the offer" Merry said and stepped inside. "I'll wait to see if he shows up soon but I ought to ride back home in half an hour. Are you sure he will be home to eat?"

"Like I said, I haven't known him t ever miss a meal unless he's been forced to" Estella said and returned to the kitchen with Merry in her heels.

"If he is with Dora Boffin I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't show up" Merry said and took a seat at the small table in the kitchen. "Love has a way of killing the appetite. He probably prefers staying with her for a while longer."

Estella smiled slightly and turned her attention to the meat she was preparing for dinner. Merry wondered by her reaction if he had said something he shouldn't have. He had gotten the strong impression that both Estella and Fatty wondered what would become of her if he was married when their parents died. They had no other siblings and while it was common that unmarried siblings lived together Estella would no doubt be considered a burden if she moved in with her brother and his wife. Estella had never had any beaux as far as Merry could recall and it was pretty much assumed that she would never marry.

Merry pondered that for a moment as he tried to think of something to say to her while he waited for Fatty to come home. Estella always seemed to be home when they came to visit Fatty; apparently she only left the house to go to the market or to go to a party, which did not happen very often. She was far from the beauties that surrounded Pippin now that he was highly coveted and not spoken for but Merry couldn't figure out why that meant she would stay a maiden. He had seen her funny side when he had visited Fatty and he knew she had a good head on her shoulders. She worked hard and seemed to have an unending supply of patience and self control. He had never seen her upset or irritated.

He realised that the problem was most likely that she was so ordinary. There was nothing about her which made her stand out from a crowd. Her features were neither beautiful nor ugly; they were more ordinary than any other person's he had ever met. It was as if her whole appearance was designed not to draw attention to itself, right down to the colour of her hair and her body language. Estella's behaviour went hand in hand with her appearance; she never drew any attention to herself, neither positive nor negative. She was the type of person everybody met but nobody remembered.

Merry realised that he had been sitting in silence watching her cook and he was probably staring. The smell of the stew she was preparing for lunch made his stomach growl and she turned and looked at him with a raised eyebrow. With a laugh Merry rose from his seat by the table that was too small for a whole family to eat by and walked over to the counter where she was putting the meat for dinner in a bowl.

"Last chance for luncheon" she said.

"I really can't stay that long" Merry said but heard his stomach growl again. "But I am a bit hungry… Can I take an apple?"

"Sure, go ahead."

"Thanks."

He grabbed an apple from the bowl on the counter and without thinking much about it jumped up on the counter to eat it. Estella seemed taken aback by his choice of seating area but didn't say anything about it. She put the meat away for now and began to peel the potatoes that were going to go with the stew.

Merry took the opportunity to study her further. He found her interesting all of a sudden. He knew so little about her and yet he had been close friends with her brother for years. That was just the way it was with Estella, she was so ordinary that nobody bothered to learn more about her. There was nothing that suggested that one would learn anything out of the ordinary. In many ways she was quite boring, there was no challenge with Estella. Unlike Mimosa who was a challenge every day.

He thought about Mimosa and how coveted she had always been. The longest periods of her life when she had been without a lad by her side was when she had been trying to win Merry over and when he had been away on his journey. Estella however had never had a beau in her life as far as Merry knew. She had never been seen with anyone and people wouldn't expect to see her with anyone either. Merry wondered if she had even ever been kissed.

Feeling his eyes on her she looked up and met his gaze, surprised at the sudden attention from her brother's friend. Merry offered her a grin and finished chewing his apple with an open mouth, then covering his mouth when he realised he was acting like a child. Estella couldn't help but laugh slightly at him and he noticed that when she smiled she could almost pass for beautiful.

On an impulse he jumped down from the counter, put aside the leftovers of his apple and grabbed a hold of her shoulders. He could feel her tense up when he kissed her but after a few seconds she responded to him. He could feel her wrap her arms around his neck and he placed his hands on her hips. He didn't know why he had kissed her, but it was an interesting experience, quite a different sensation from kissing Mimosa.

That thought cleared his head. He ended the kiss and turned his attention to the apple core he had left on the counter to give her a moment to regroup. When he looked at her she had the back of her right hand resting against her mouth and a bright red colour on her cheeks. Merry felt embarrassed and decided to leave rather than wait around for Fatty to possibly be home for lunch.

"I'm sorry" he said, trying to hide his embarrassment. "I, I didn't mean to… This is not appropriate! You know, I ought to just go. Thank you for the apple, and tell Fatty that Pippin and I are throwing a party next Friday."

She only nodded for a response and with as much dignity as he could muster Merry bowed to her and hurried out to get his pony. He didn't know what had gotten into him. Hopefully Fatty wouldn't be furious with him when he found out about it. If he found out about it. Judging by the look on Estella's face she found the whole event just as embarrassing as Merry did.

**XX  
XX**

The following Friday, the last Friday of June, Pippin and Merry held another one of their famous parties at Crickhollow. It had become almost like a hobby for them to throw at least one party each month and to always make the latest one better than the previous. This time around the party was held outdoors in the summer heat and after a game of rock, paper, scissors Pippin's suggestion of an Ent theme had won. Merry thought the theme was a waste on Hobbits, none of them would understand why the place looked like a miniature forest, but Pippin thought the idea would be a lot of fun.

Fatty Bolger arrived late together with his sister and Dora Boffin. The two of them were now officially an item and Pippin was very relieved to be free to flirt as much as he wanted to again. Dora had given him a dry remark at how fast he had seemed to get over the loss of his girlfriend to one of his friends, but she had added a smile which showed she was only teasing him. Pippin had more or less forgotten about her after he greeted the late arriving party and now he was busy trying to explain to a group of his friends what an Ent was and why it was the theme of the party.

Fatty, Dora and Estella quickly made sure they got refreshments before everything was eaten up and then kept to themselves while they ate. Everyone else had already eaten and for once nobody seemed very interested in seconds.

"Where is that sluggard Merry?" Fatty said as he finished his food. "He hasn't come up to greet us."

"We are over an hour late" Dora pointed out to him. "He probably thinks we've been here for ages or that we haven't gotten here yet. There he is, by the way."

Fatty and Estella looked in the direction she was pointing. Merry was standing by one of the improvised trees talking to Folco Boffin and seemed unaware of the fact that his friends had arrived at last. Mimosa Bracegirdle came up to him and wrapped her arm around his waist. He placed a kiss on her head and continued to talk to Folco for a moment while Mimosa leaned her head against his shoulder in a manner which clearly stated her ownership of him. When Folco left she turned to Merry and said something before they shared a kiss. They talked for a few seconds after the kiss and then Merry looked up and saw Fatty, Dora and Estella. A strike of guilt came over his face and Fatty laughed and interpreted it as Merry feeling bad that he hadn't greeted them yet. With Dora on his arm he went up to Merry and Mimosa to say hello.

"Why Fredegar Bolger, I haven't seen you in a good while" Mimosa said.

"Now that you mention it I didn't see you at Sam Gamgee's wedding" Fatty said and bowed to her. "We must have missed each other."

"I didn't attend the wedding" Mimosa said and turned to Dora. "And you Dora, I see you have gotten yourself a new companion. And here I thought you would be at Pippin's arm at least over summer and you and I would get to spend more time together." She gave Merry a playful nudge. "It's hard to be with one of them without constantly running into the other" she said.

"Mimosa!" Merry said. "Don't pester Dora, that is none of our business."

Mimosa ignored his comment and gave Estella a quick greeting before turning her attention back to Fatty and Dora. Merry looked a bit embarrassed, he was not entirely comfortable with her acting like the hostess at his parties. He exchanged a few quick words with Fatty and then gave Mimosa a small tugging.

"Come along now; let's go see what Pip is up to."

"You see what I mean?" Mimosa said to Dora. "Whoever ends up being Pippin's belle is someone I'm bound to spend a lot of time with."

She gave Merry a quick kiss on the lips and walked away with him towards where Pippin was standing. Merry glanced back over his shoulder and seemed to be apologising for something but whatever it was Fatty didn't care. He turned to Dora and suggested that they should go dance. Estella announced that she wanted something more to eat, giving the young couple an excuse to go off alone.

While Fatty led Dora to the dancing area he cast a glance at Merry and Mimosa who were talking to Pippin about something over by the front door to the house. He shook his head slightly and nudged Dora to look in that direction.

"Can you understand how come she is not living here as his wife already?" he asked. "What is he waiting for really?"

"They seem to be happy the way things are at the moment" Dora said and shrugged a shoulder. She didn't want to think about them right now. "If they are happy together like this then what's the rush? They have their whole lives to settle down and be married."

"I suppose you're right" Fatty said.

He took Dora in his arms and danced with her to the cheerful song played by the band. Before long they were joined on the dance floor by Merry and Mimosa and Fatty wondered if Dora wasn't right after all. The young couple seemed to have a very good time and they complemented each other. What was the rush?

**XX  
XX**

Two days after the party Merry went over to Fatty's home and knocked on the door. Like the last time he had been there Estella came to open and he offered her a smile when he saw that it was her.

"Hullo" he said. "Is this a bad time?"

"Fatty's not here right now" she said. "He went with my parents to the market. But come on in, he should be back real soon, they left over an hour ago."

Merry stepped inside, glad to be out of the heat outdoors, and followed her into the kitchen like he had the last time he had stopped by.

"Good" he said. "That he is not here I mean. For actually I came to speak with you. And it's easier between four eyes."

"You came to speak with me?" Estella said with astonishment and gave him a funny look while returning to the dishes she had been in the middle of.

"Yes I feel like I owe you an apology…" Merry said and sat down by the small table. "I know how it must seem to you, that first I kiss you and then at the party I am with Mimosa. I feel horrible, believe me I do!"

"Oh don't say that" Estella said and looked down at the dishes to avoid having to see his face.

"You must think I am some sort of user" Merry said. "I honestly don't know what came over me that day. I just wanted you to know how sorry I am and I hope I haven't hurt your feelings."

"You don't need to apologise to me" she replied calmly.

"Yes I do."

Estella focused her attention on the dishes and hoped she wasn't blushing. She didn't know what to say to him. He didn't owe her anything; she knew that he was in love with Mimosa. She was just being foolish. The sad truth was that he was the first lad who had ever shown her any form of interest, even if his kiss had not been serious. But for a brief moment she had believed that perhaps he wanted her and that had sparked emotions she had not had in a long time. She didn't dare to admit to anyone, especially not to herself, how much it had hurt to see him together with Mimosa at the party. For a week she had allowed herself to daydream but the dream had been destroyed by a reality she was already aware of the moment she saw Mimosa put her arm around him. She wished he hadn't come to apologise, it made things even worse to hear him say that the kiss had not meant anything and that he was sorry about it.

"Merry you don't owe me anything" she said and hoped he would leave.

"At the very least I owe you that apology" he said with full seriousness. "I hope I didn't make things awkward for you… and that we can still be friends."

"Of course we can be friends" she said, wishing he hadn't suggested such a platonic connection. "I would have forgotten about the kiss already if you hadn't brought it up again."

She immediately regretted having said that. It made her sound a bit easy and arrogant, at least she thought so. Merry seemed thoughtful for a moment but whatever he was thinking he cast the thought aside.

Distracted by her thoughts Estella dropped the mug she was drying and she let out a gasp as it rolled across the floor. How could she have been so clumsy? But at least the mug hadn't broken.

Merry bent over and picked it up. As he rose to give it to her she felt a strong wish for him to kiss her again when he handed her back the mug and she had to look away out of fear that he would see it in her eyes. He gave her the mug back and smiled slightly.

"You should be a bit more careful."

"Accidents happen" she mumbled.

Merry grabbed a towel and begun to dry up the plates she had just washed. She stared at him, then at the mug and washed it once more before handing it to him. She was just about to tell him that he didn't need to give her a hand just because he felt bad about the kiss when he began to speak.

"Here, let me show you how it should be done. You wouldn't believe it from looking at me but I am a real expert when it comes to doing the dishes! I'd have to be to live with Pippin. Seriously, I have met small children who can do the dishes better than he can. If he doesn't smash at least one item a week it is nothing short of a miracle."

She giggled at the thought and continued to wash the dishes and hand them to him to dry while he proceeded to tell her a story about the time when Pippin had smashed his mother's favourite tea pot. Before long the conversation flowed smoothly between them and the tension from before was gone. He knew that he was forgiven for kissing her when he belonged with Mimosa and she knew that this playful banter was a step up from where they had been before and it was all she would ever get. She could settle for this.

**XX  
XX**

"There you are!" Mimosa said and came up to Merry with a smile. "I have been looking all over for you."

Merry smiled at her and put his arm around her shoulders. He hadn't expected to see her today; he was out at the marketplace and didn't even know she was there too. But Mimosa always had a way of finding out where he would be and come seek him out. Now she wrapped her arm around his waist and gave him one of the smiles which made him forget everything else.

"Are you here with Peregrin?" she asked. "Is he expecting you to accompany him back or can you take a walk with me?"

"Who's Peregrin?" Merry mumbled and gave her a light kiss on the lips.

Together they walked away from the marketplace. Mimosa chose the direction; she seemed to know where she wanted to go. Merry had no objections, for him it was enough to be near her. They walked for a while until they came to a hilltop right by the river, a beautiful and secluded place with a couple of large trees shading the green grass. It was a very romantic spot and instinctively Merry knew why she had taken him there. The warm July day was slowly turning into a July evening and when the sun began to set this place would be one of the most beautiful spots in all the Shire. It was the perfect spot for a proposal and the perfect mood to go with it.

When they reached the spot they stood still for a few seconds just watching the river flow. Then she turned to him and gave him a loving kiss. He felt her linger her arms around him and gently caress his back with her hands and the sensation made him kiss her more deeply. Slowly they sank down together on the ground and sat there together with their lips in constant connection, unaware of what was going on around them. In the back of his head Merry knew she would be irritated with him for messing up her hair with his hands but he didn't care at the moment and oddly enough she didn't seem to care either. Everything felt just perfect.

A while later they sat together on the hilltop and watched the sun draw near the horizon. When they were both sitting down Mimosa could rest her cheek on Merry's shoulder like she had done in the past. When they were standing up he was too tall nowadays. It was a moment of serenity and beauty and he was glad that she was there to share it with him. What had he ever been hesitating for?

"Mimosa…" he said. "Have you ever wondered if these places will still look as beautiful when our grandchildren are this age? Sometimes I worry that civilisation will come and take over places like this."

"What?" Mimosa said. "Merry what does that matter? It's here now, isn't it? Just like we are…"

It was very clear to him now why she had brought him here this day. She wanted a question from him and she was prepared to answer it. Pippin had been right. Someone like Mimosa would not wait around forever. He owed it to her to take the step. What was he waiting for?

"That cherry tree over there is beautiful" he heard himself saying. "Yet I wonder if it will still be there in a few years or if someone will have cut it down to make themselves a new writing desk."

"What is all this talk about nature all of a sudden?"

"Nothing… I don't know… Just musing out loud I guess."

"Why throw away time musing?" Mimosa asked. "Or talking for that matter… I can think of better things to do."

She placed a finger on his jaw and turned his head to face her so they could kiss. He knew what he wanted. There was no longer any doubt in his mind. And he was not going to leave this place without having taken the step; he had waited far too long already. He wondered why he was so nervous to bring up the subject with her when he knew that he was making the right decision.

**XX  
XX**

Pippin looked up when Merry stepped inside their kitchen an hour and a half later. He grinned and took a brief pause from the task at hand.

"There you are" he said. "I was wondering what happened to you. Then I was told you had met Mimosa at the market…"

With a grin he cut off a piece of the block of ice he was working on, which he planned on using in their dessert for the evening, and wrapped it in a handkerchief. He tossed it to Merry and turned his attention back to cutting the ice.

"Use that on your lips; I can see from here that they are swollen... Must have been a nice walk you took eh?"

"Yeah" Merry said and chilled his lips with the ice. "You would never believe what happened between Mimosa and me." He walked up to his cousin and placed his hands on his shoulders, then he turned him around and gave him a hug. "I told her that perhaps we shouldn't be an item any longer."

Pippin nearly dropped the knife in his hand. He had expected Merry to announce that he was engaged. He stuttered some "what"s and "who"s and "why"s but couldn't get anything more sensible out. Merry broke the hug and sat down on the counter with a sigh while Pippin tried to focus on the ice.

"In so many words… I think what I said was that we should not go steady for a while, have our freedom before we decide to settle down for good… But in all honesty Pippin I'm not so sure we ever will settle down."

"No not when you've dumped her like a bad habit!" Pippin exclaimed. "Meriadoc! You do not end a relationship with Mimosa Bracegirdle and expect her to take you back when it suits you! Not even you can do that, no matter how much of a hero you are."

"Mimosa will be fine once her ego has healed" Merry said. "And come on Peregrin she is not **that** pretty! And she's not all that special either."

"Those words are coming from the lad who is supposed to love her" Pippin said and shook his head.

"Not anymore." Merry jumped down from the counter and began to pace back and forth. "I've finally come to realise what is missing from my relationship with her Pip."

"A large dose of sanity on your part."

"No, not that. Will you just listen please? Do you remember what I said that night when we had our last campfire? Do you remember what I said about her looks?"

"No not really."

"Odd that you don't remember it, neither you nor Frodo seemed to be able to let it go at the time. I said that she was really beautiful for a _Hobbit_. I've finally come to realise what I meant by that."

"It's taken you months to figure **that** out?" Pippin said and shook his head. "You know, I never thought my cousin to be stupid…"

"No I'm not stupid. Not anymore. See what I meant when I said that was that I have seen those who are more beautiful than her and that makes her beauty less special to me now. She is still the fairest Hobbit I have ever laid my eyes on but her beauty does not mesmerise me now as it did before I let. Before I could excuse her anything if only she looked at me with that smile, she had me completely captivated. Though not anymore. Beauty is fleeting anyway, we all know it, I cannot believe I was so blind to this even before I met the tall folk. What I'm saying is that I have come to realise that I need something more than a fair face and a lovely smile."

"And that is all Mimosa is?"

"No, she has a lot of wonderful traits, but… I need someone I can **talk** to, you know? Someone who I can be happy with even when things are rough. Someone who I can have an everyday life with. With Mimosa everything has to be special all the time, I can't ever see us doing something plain and ordinary together. That is why I cannot bring myself to propose to her right now."

"I think you're an idiot" Pippin said and put the last of the ice in a bowl. "But you should do whatever makes you happy. How did Mimosa take all of this? She must have been furious!"

"I didn't tell her all that I've told you. Just that I needed space and that I wasn't sure yet that we were meant for one another. She told me I was crazy, said that we are the perfect pair and anyone can see it. That I should consider myself lucky to have found what we share. We argued for a while, I won't go into everything that we said… But she did smack me across the face and I guess I deserved that much."

Pippin cast a glance at his cousin holding the ice to his mouth and shook his head slowly. He didn't blame Mimosa for being furious. She had waited for him for so long and this was the reward she got. Yet Merry had done the right thing, Pippin knew that. He might owe something to Mimosa but he did not owe her the rest of his life.

**XX  
XX**

The news of Merry and Mimosa no longer being a couple quickly became the hottest subject in three farthings, and it stayed a well-discussed topic for much longer than Merry had expected. He found it very unsettling that so many people were discussing his love life; he had not expected this reaction from the Hobbits around him.

If Merry was uncomfortable with the new situation Mimosa was downright furious, much like Pippin had predicted. She felt she had to point out to anyone she overheard gossiping that she and Merry had together decided to spend some time apart. Her ego could not handle being left in that manner and she was very disappointed in Merry.

Merry had said to her that they ought to flirt with others and get everything in that area out of their system before they could begin to make commitments to one another. Though for the first few months neither Merry nor Mimosa was seen together with anyone else. Merry didn't feel like he wanted to and Mimosa was not about to let Merry believe he had been replaced. A few years ago she would have tried to make him jealous but she knew better than to play hard to get with someone who was hard to get, especially when that someone had become one of the two most coveted bachelors in the Shire. Even though she was mad at him she still wanted him back.

It took six months before the worst gossiping had settled and people began to get used to not seeing Merry and Mimosa together. The truth was that their relationship had never been completely ended and it happened on occasion that they danced together or whispered secrets to one another at parties. Merry found he missed her a bit, but not as much as he would have expected. Part of him wondered if he was falling in love with her all over again, the strong feelings he had had for her in the past seemed to be coming back to him now that she was just out of his reach. He made sure to spend time with other lasses as well but though he found he had missed the casual flirts he missed Mimosa by his side even more. It was very confusing for him and even more confusing for Pippin who was the one who had to listen to Merry trying to sort out his thoughts and feelings. For Pippin it was all very easy. If Merry loved Mimosa he should try to get her back. If not he should cut her out of his life completely.

Weeks turned into months and months turned into a year. When summer came around again Merry and Pippin made sure to drag Frodo to as many parties as they could in order to help brighten his spirits. Both Pippin and Merry had darker spirits still since their journey but Frodo was worse off than they were. Together with Fatty Bolger they made sure to force Frodo to attend as many parties as possible to get his mind off the troubles he carried. It didn't help much, but Frodo appreciated the concern, and in secret he was glad to get a few hours away from Bag End where there was a new baby. Frodo had never understood babies and was glad to spend a few nights at Crickhollow where nobody woke up crying at all hours of the night.

Fatty was still together with Dora Boffin and had told his friends that he planned on marrying her. Pippin took great pride in being the one who had introduced him and demanded to get to be best man at the wedding. When August came around Fatty gathered up the courage to propose and found himself engaged before the harvests had even begun. He confided in his friends that he was still worried about how things would go for his sister but he couldn't sacrifice his own happiness for Estella now that he had fallen in love with someone. His friends told him he had made the right choice and threw him an autumn party at Crickhollow to celebrate his engagement.

Merry and Frodo conspired to set Pippin up with someone at the party but couldn't quite agree on which lass to pair him up with. The two spent the first half of the party debating over this and then Merry got an idea.

"What about Fatty's sister?" he said. "It would make Fatty happy if she found someone, and she's a really sweet lass."

"Do you think?" Frodo said with a doubting frown. "Pippin won't go for her. She's too… ordinary for his taste."

"Oh what's the worst that can happen?" Merry said and laughed. "Let's at least see how it goes."

Frodo reluctantly agreed and went off to find Pippin while Merry set his sights for Estella. He noticed that she was something of a wallflower, a fact which he hadn't realised before but when he thought about it it made perfect sense. With a smile he walked up to her and struck up a conversation. She smiled when he approached her and seemed happy to have someone to talk to. Merry grabbed her hand and led her with him, constantly chatting to keep her from being able to object. She didn't know where he was leading her but she couldn't help but smile. She had still not forgotten about the kiss between them and the feelings that he had awoken in her that day were still there. She had admired him from afar for a year now but he had never spoken to her in more than a friendly fashion. When he visited Fatty he would usually exchange a few words with her but they had not spoken just the two of them since the day after he took a pause with Mimosa, when he had come by to thank her for helping him to realise something important. She still had no idea what that important thing was but she didn't really want to know. Whatever it was it was hardly as nice as what it was in her daydreams.

She could barely hide her disappointment when she found herself more or less shoved into Pippin's arms on the dance floor. He looked as perplexed as she did for a moment, then he seemed to shrug his shoulders and led her out in a dance. Estella cast a look at Merry who was now saying something to Frodo Baggins with a grin, and then looked at Pippin nervously.

"I don't dance very well" she confessed.

"Neither do I" Pippin claimed even though she knew he was a good dancer. "Mimosa always wanted Merry to be a great dancer so he would practice at home. Unfortunately for me I would have to be his dancing partner, play the female role. I really think I've lost the ability to lead!"

Estella couldn't help but laugh. She was used to Pippin's odd stories of his and Merry's way of interacting and it made her relax a bit. Pippin kept talking to her to ease her nervousness and she actually had a good time dancing with him. She would rather have danced with Merry but Pippin was friendly and entertaining and that was enough for her at the moment.

Pippin had figured out early in the evening that Frodo and Merry planned on setting him up with someone and when they pushed Estella into his arms he realised they had probably had more to drink than what was good for them. They had to know that Fatty would be furious if Pippin tried to have a little fun with his sister.

They danced two dances together and then Pippin followed her back to her corner. He stayed and made small talk for a while but clearly signalled to Frodo that he was not going to have a flirt with Fatty Bolger's sister.

Later that evening though he saw her standing at the same spot where he had left her and felt a little sorry for her. She looked like she wasn't having the best time of her life and something made him feel that she should have a good time on this evening, it was her brother's engagement party after all. He grabbed two glasses of wine and went over to where she was standing.

"Hello again" he said and handed her one of the glasses.

"Hi" she said shyly and took a sip.

Pippin glanced at her from the corner of his eye and leaned back against the wall behind them. Something seemed to be bothering her but he didn't know what it was. He tried to think of something clever to say but he had had a few too many half pints of ale to drink for that.

"Your brother seems happy" he finally said.

"Yes he does" Estella said and nodded slightly. "Dora is a nice lass."

Pippin wondered if she was concerned over the same things as Fatty. Did she wonder what her future would be like now that he was getting married and she would have to live with him and his wife when their parents died? Pippin couldn't help but feel a sting of annoyance with her at that thought. If she was so concerned then why didn't she go out and try to find herself a husband?

"I hope you don't think I bailed on you earlier" he said, trying to find something to say. "After we danced I mean… Frodo and Merry are such idiots."

"They mean well" she said.

"I'm sorry" he said and blushed a little. "Me and my big mouth… I didn't mean to offend you, it's just that you know I'm not interested in you and I know you're not interested in me, so what's the point of playing along in their little charade?"

"So that my brother can devote himself only to his fiancée tonight and your cousin can tend to his love life without having to worry that you are alone" she answered his question even though it had been rhetorical.

Pippin raised his eyebrows. He hadn't thought about it like that. It occurred to him that maybe she saw things that he didn't and he wondered if perhaps she was entirely sober. Women were less prone to drinking lots of wine and ale after all.

"Merry doesn't concern himself with whether I am alone or not" Pippin said. "For he knows that I never am alone other than by my own choice."

She gave him a look as if wanting to say that maybe he needed to think a step further but she didn't say anything. Then she looked back out on the couples dancing together in the late August night and he followed her gaze. There was Fatty with Dora in his arms, both of them looking completely content together. Not far from them Pippin saw another couple and he had to admit he was surprised. Merry was dancing with Mimosa and the two looked as if they were the only two people at the party. She pressed herself up against him with her cheek against his chest and he had his eyes closed and one hand playing with her long hair while the other had a firm grip of her waist.

"I didn't know those two were at it again" he commented, more to himself than to Estella but she was the one who answered.

"When you see them like this you wonder why they even took a pause."

Something in her voice sounded so sad that Pippin had to lean a bit forward and take a closer look at the lass standing next to him. He suddenly came to realise what was making her so melancholy this evening. It was not worry over the future like he had thought; it was a feeling of being left out from the couples dancing together in the night. She had no one to hold her close and breathe in the smell of her hair, no one she could close her eyes and lean her head against, no one who would end the dance by giving her a soft kiss. Pippin felt sorry for her, he had never thought that perhaps she might want to be part of that scene before her. He had always assumed she was happy with her role in life and with everyone considering her an old maid in the making.

"This won't do" he said and put aside his glass of wine. "We can't just stand here like a couple of old wallflowers, the next dance is the last of the evening!"

He took her glass from her and put it next to his own, then he grabbed her by the hand and led her out to the dance floor. She couldn't help but protest, she had never danced the final dance of the evening before and it didn't seem right to do so with someone she wasn't romantically interested in. But Pippin refused to hear her stutters of protest and with an elegant swirl had her in his arms for the final dance.

"Now how would that look if I sat this one out?" he asked her. "Not dancing the last dance of my own party in celebration of my good friend's engagement?"

"Pippin people are looking at us" she said into his ear and glanced nervously around her at the people whose jaws had dropped at the sight of Pippin's choice of dance partner. "I'm not comfortable with all this attention."

"Oh don't be ridiculous" Pippin said with full confidence. "You're the sister of the groom-to-be; you cannot sit this dance out!"

He had to wonder if she had ever danced a slow dance before. He intended on giving her a memorable end to the evening whether or not she had. He found himself liking the attention she was given when she was all of a sudden in his arms on the dance floor. He put his arms around her and gently pulled her close. She was short enough for him to be able to rest his chin on the top of her head and he felt her relax once she didn't have to look at him. He gently rubbed her back with his hand in rhythm with the music.

"Just close your eyes…" he mumbled to her. "And forget all about the gossipers who are watching us."

With a sigh of relief she did as he instructed her and found that with her eyes closed all she had to do was follow as he led her in the slow dance. She didn't have to worry about the eyes that were on them or his eyes for that matter. She could even pretend that he was his cousin holding her close. That dream ended however when she felt him exhale quickly as if giving a small laugh. She opened her eyes to see what he was amused by and her eyes fell on Merry who was dancing close together with Mimosa only a few meters away. Merry was grinning at Pippin, obviously pleased with having teamed him up with Estella, and his eyes met hers for a brief moment before they closed and he took a deep breath to fill his nose with the scent of Mimosa's hair. Estella closed her eyes hard so that she wouldn't have to see him dancing with her like that.

When the music ended she opened her eyes again and offered Pippin a half-hearted smile. He placed a friendly kiss on the corner of her mouth and with an arm around her waist led her over to Fatty and Dora. She couldn't resist casting a glance over her shoulder to get a last look at Merry before she had to go but when she saw him she wished that she hadn't. He and Mimosa were kissing softly and even though she had always known how much he cared for her it still hurt Estella to see proof of it right before her own eyes. She quickly turned her head again and hoped she didn't have to see the couple together again this evening.

**XX  
XX**

"Good morning" Pippin said the next morning and handed Merry a cup of hot coffee. "Did we sleep well this night?"

"Pippin you know it scares me when you talk about me in first person plural" Merry said and sat down by the table.

"You could have gotten out of bed earlier, you sluggard" Pippin said and threw some tomatoes into the frying pan. "There is a huge mess outside and we ought to get it cleared up as soon as possible!"

"Frodo's still sleeping, why don't you call him a sluggard?"

"Because Frodo doesn't live here."

Merry didn't say reply. Pippin focused on the breakfast while it was still in the pan, they could talk while they ate. It was Pippin's job to cook and Merry's to clean up afterwards, that division of labour had come to be once Merry got sick and tired of Pippin dropping so many plates on the floor.

"How are things now between you and Mimosa?" Pippin asked when he put the plate of fried tomatoes and sausages in front of Merry. "Honestly cousin, if you don't want her for life then let the poor thing go."

"Last night was just about last night, you know that" Merry said and dug in on his breakfast with lacking enthusiasm.

"Yes I know that but does she?"

Pippin gave his cousin a serious look as he sat down opposite him and began to shake salt over his meal. Merry moved a tomato around on the plate with his fork and sighed. He was feeling a bit hung over and did not want to have this conversation right now.

"Fine, then don't talk about it" Pippin said. "Just be advised that the heart is a fragile thing and you might risk really breaking hers. She doesn't seem to be willing to let you go and holding her close like that and kissing her does not give her much reason to move on with her life."

"Weren't you the one who said she would not take me back?" Merry had to ask.

"That's another concern of mine. That you will decide you want her and she has decided that you don't have a snowball's chance in Mount Doom."

"Hey…" Frodo mumbled and rubbed his aching head as he entered the kitchen. "Where's breakfast?"

"Make your own" Merry said.

With a groan Frodo threw a sausage in the frying pan and sat down next to Pippin with a tomato he preferred to munch on raw. Pippin and Merry shared a look which clearly stated that they would talk about something else with Frodo. Pippin knew that Mimosa was an even more sensitive subject for Merry nowadays and dragging Frodo into the mix was hardly a good idea.

"Now about that little trick you two pulled on me last night…" Pippin said to steer them into a different topic. "Out of all people you had to set me up with Fatty's sister? How was I supposed to get any fun out of that?"

"It didn't seem like you were complaining when you danced with her" Frodo commented and gave Pippin a nudge.

"I felt sorry for her. Poor girl looked like such a wallflower."

"There's something about her appearance which makes her easy to miss" Merry said. "She's not beautiful enough to catch someone's eye and she's not ugly enough to make people notice her. She's stuck in-between. But once you get to talk to her she's a great lass. Smart, funny and quite perceptive."

"I couldn't help but notice last night" Pippin commented. "But for the record, if you're going to set me up with someone for a party then make it someone I can work my charms on and have a little romance with. I am not after conversation towards the end of a party night."

"Duly noted" Frodo said.

"Good. Now finish your breakfasts so that we can go clean up outside."

Merry obediently forced down his breakfast and Frodo wolfed down his sausages as soon as they were ready. They had a lot of work to do outside and it seemed like there would be rain in the afternoon. The three of them forgot completely about women and romance as they hurried outside to clean up after the party.

**XX**

**XX**

Pippin and Merry walked into the sitting room rubbing their cold hands together and nodding at Estella who was reading a book in an armchair. They had come to visit Fatty and to get away from the cold outdoors. It was January and a light snowfall had surprised the two while they were out riding.

"Good evening to you Estella" Pippin said and blew hot air into his cooped hands to warm them up. "I hope you don't mind a little surprise company by the fireplace. We need to warm up before we continue back home."

"Alright, but you'll have to tell me a story" Estella said with a smile and put her book aside.

"Have you heard the one about the two cows crossing the road?"

"Not that type of story" she said and made a playful face at him.

"You two are really frozen solid" Fatty said and came in with a pair of blankets. "Too bad Mum is lying ill with a cold or she could have made you some really nice hot cider."

"Just some hot tea will do fine thanks" Merry said.

"Alright" Fatty said. "But I'll need help with the tray. Estella?"

"Oh don't get up!" Pippin said to her. "I can help. Merry never lets me make tea at home, he thinks just because he knows what herbs are good for you he's got dibs when it comes to making tea out of them."

Estella chuckled at his enthusiasm and Merry's annoyed glare at his cousin. Pippin followed Fatty out in the kitchen and Estella suddenly realised she was alone with Merry. She hoped she wasn't blushing and rose to put the book away. Merry walked over to her and smiled.

"My cousin is an idiot, isn't he?" he said.

"I think he's rather amusing actually" Estella said and placed the book on the shelf.

"Too bad most his jokes come at my expense."

"That's probably because he knows you can handle it and you will like him anyways" Estella said.

Merry smiled, thinking that she was right as usual.

"I should be glad that I have him. On cold days like this… don't you ever feel like you're happy that you have people around you? I get that way sometimes. I long for someone's touch, even if it's only a playful pat on the back from my cousin. Do you ever feel that way?" He didn't want for her to respond. "Though honestly Estella sometimes I feel like I need a closer touch than that."

She nodded slightly and turned around to go back to her chair. She jumped back slightly when she noticed how close they were standing. Merry had gotten closer than she had thought while he was talking; they were just centimetres from touching. She blushed and looked away but then looked back at him. He seemed to be preoccupied with something and his eyes looked at her as if he didn't even know she was there.

Then he leaned forward and kissed her. Softly at first, but when her first shock had passed and she began to kiss him back he was more eager. Before she knew it he had grabbed a hold of her and lifted her up on the writing desk behind her, permitting him to press himself up against her without getting too close and making the difference in height between them less prominent. He wrapped his right arm around her waist and let the left hand caress her cheek, turning the kiss softer before he ended it.

When it was over he looked away from her and laughed slightly with embarrassment. He offered her an apologetic look and found the look in her eyes to be confused more than anything else.

"We'd best get you down from there before anyone walks in" he mumbled and lifted her back down on the floor. He took a step back from her. "Now I have to apologise to you again. I don't know what came over me." Then he smiled at her. "I really needed that. A little close contact…"

She wanted to tell him that she had needed it too, but that she also needed much more than just that. For a brief moment she had allowed herself to believe that he was interested in her but his behaviour now spoke its clear language. He had longed for someone to share a kiss with and she had been the closest one at hand. The realisation hurt her more than she wanted to let on.

"I'm really sorry" Merry said again, but didn't seem too sorry. "It was not my intention to--"

Before he could finish his sentence Fatty and Pippin walked in, each carrying a large tray with tea, sandwiches and a few biscuits. Merry cast an apologetic glance at Estella and then went to sit down in the largest armchair. Pippin popped down next to him and said something to him which Estella didn't hear. She was glad she often ended up as good as forgotten about when Fatty's friends came to visit; she wasn't sure what look she had on her face. She sat down in her chair and grabbed her cup of tea.

"See Merry, other people can make good tea as well" Pippin said and took a sip from his cup.

"Good but not **as** good" Merry claimed.

"Still, there's nothing quite like a nice hot cup of tea by the fireplace when it's evening and it's snowing outside" Pippin said.

"Oh yes there is" Fatty objected. "Next winter I will be in my own house with my wife, sitting with her by the fireplace. That will be better than having just a cup of tea."

"We can't argue with that" Merry said and smiled.

"Now don't you start complaining about not having a woman to cuddle with at cold winter nights" Pippin said. "You had one and you let her go."

"I know it's been a long time, but I still cannot get over the fact that you had Mimosa Bracegirdle and you chose to be on your own instead" Fatty said and shook his head. "To think that if only you had some sense in your head you would have been with her right now, holding her close and stealing a few kisses. I hope you realise what a complete fool you are Merry."

"But you haven't let her go completely, have you?" Pippin said and leaned back in the armchair. "My cousin wants to have his cake and eat it too from what it looks like. That will not end well."

"Must we talk about this?" Merry asked.

"Be truthful for a moment, don't you think Pippin is right?" Fatty said. "You want to have Mimosa but you also want to have your freedom. I've seen you with at least three other girls only since Frodo left. Frankly Merry I think that you are afraid, and I can understand that you are. But take it from someone who has taken that step, once you have committed yourself for real you are not as scared anymore. Most people would be happy to forsake all others for Mimosa, I think you are too, only you are afraid to take the step and make that change in your life."

Merry cast a glance over at Estella. He had noticed how she seemed to tense up when Mimosa's name was mentioned and he was overcome with a feeling of guilt. He had treated her awfully; she must think she was just a dispensable object which he had used to keep a distance from Mimosa. He wanted to apologise to her and let her know that it had not been like that, but he didn't know how to do it with her brother and his cousin in the room.

"No it's not like that Fredegar" he said and looked down at the cup in his hands. "Those three lasses, I was with them at parties, most people flirt like that. It's a lot different from holding someone in your arms on a night like this in front of the fireplace. Even if you're doing it because you need the physical contact you can't do it with just anyone, it has to be someone you respect and care about…"

"What? Merry what are you talking about and what does it have to do with Mimosa?" Fatty asked.

"Forget about Mimosa for now" Merry said and glanced over at Estella, wondering if she had understood his hidden apology. "It's getting really late; Pippin and I ought to get back home."

"What?" Pippin said with his mouth full of sandwich. "But we haven't even finished eating yet, what's the rush?"

"Perhaps you ought to stay here for the night" Fatty said and looked out the window with a concerned frown. "The wind is getting harder and it's running late. You still have an hour to ride before you reach Crickhollow. Better you wait until morning. We don't have any guestrooms to offer but the couches in here are comfortable enough."

"Great idea, Fatty" Pippin said and swallowed the last of his sandwich. "Thanks a million. I was not looking forward to going out in that weather."

"Thanks Fatty" Merry said.

They finished their tea and then Estella left to find some blankets and pillows for the two guests. Pippin declared that he preferred sleeping on the sheep rug by the fireplace rather than on a couch. It had been a long time since he had spent a night like that and it would be a nice reminder of the trip.

"Pip can sleep on the floor if he likes to" Merry declared. "But I preferred the nights we spent on softer grounds when we were travelling. I'll stay on the couch."

Not long thereafter the Bolger family had gone to bed and Merry and Pippin were left alone in the sitting room. Merry was lying on his stomach on the couch, rather uncomfortably but not in the mood to change positions, and Pippin had stretched out on the rug. The fire was still crackling but there were no other sounds in the house. Fatty and his family seemed to have gone to sleep.

"Pippin I think I made a big mistake today" Merry said with a worried frown.

"How so?" Pippin asked.

"You know what we talked about with Fatty, about having someone to have a little fun with on winter nights like this? Just moments before you came in with the tea I kissed Estella."

"Oh" Pippin said after a moment of silence.

"And the worst part is… it was not the first time."

Pippin turned his head to look at his cousin.

"Merry Fatty is going to have your head on a platter" he said. "The last thing he wants for his sister is for you to entertain yourself with her and then toss her aside to go back to Mimosa."

"I know, but it was not like that" Merry said. "The first time we kissed was… It was a long time ago. I'm not even sure how it happened. But it was just a platonic kiss, if there is such a thing, and she knew of my attachment to Mimosa. Tonight it was not about using her either, it… I just needed someone or something I guess, and we shared a nice moment together. Frankly she seemed to need it too."

"Your odd little speech later on makes more sense to me now" Pippin said. "Do you think she understood your apology?"

"I hope she did. But I really need to speak with her face to face, only I don't know how when Fatty is around all the time. I don't want him to know about this Pip, for her sake. She can do without him giving her a hard time about this."

"Don't worry about Fatty, I'll handle him" Pippin said. Then he rolled over on his side to lie more comfortably. "But you'll have to do me a favour."

"Name it."

"I think I know why you have been trying to sabotage things between you and Mimosa" Pippin said. "It's because you know that having a wife and a real home would make you happy. And you have gotten it in your head that you don't deserve to be happy. The things that you've seen and done have changed you and you want to punish yourself for that. If you want to believe you don't deserve what makes you happy then feel free to believe so. But do me a favour and allow yourself to be happy for the sake of those who love you. It's hard to see you damage your own means of happiness."

Merry smiled.

"I'm lucky to have you care about me that much" he said. "And to have you help me out with this situation as well."

"That's what friends are for" Pippin said and closed his eyes to go to sleep. "But word to the wise Merry. Stay away from Fatty's sister. You will only hurt her feelings and it's not worth hurting her and risking your friendship with her brother just because you need someone to cuddle with."

"I know…" Merry said and rolled over on his back.

He stared at the ceiling for a while as the fire burned out. He could hear the heavy breaths of Pippin sleeping and wished he could fall asleep as easily. He was too full of guilt over his behaviour to be able to sleep. Pippin had always said that the best thing to make you sleep is a clean conscience. Merry knew what he meant.

**XX  
XX**

"How do I put up with this slowpoke?" Pippin sighed theatrically the next morning. "Fatty would you come outside and help me saddle up the horses? Merry's not ready to go outside yet and I want to get going as soon as we can. Honestly Merry, we went to bed at the same time last night, how can you be much more tired this morning than the rest of us?"

With a firm grip of Fatty's shoulders Pippin turned to Merry, who was in truth fully ready to go, and mimed that he had five minutes. Merry nodded and silently thanked Pippin for getting Fatty out of the way. Fatty's parents were both in bed still; Merry and Estella were all alone.

He walked in to her in the kitchen and found her washing up after breakfast. The sight woke the memory of the first time they had kissed and it took him a second to gather his wits. He harked to make his presence known and offered her a smile when she cast a quick glance over her shoulder.

"I… seem to owe you an apology again" he said. "I tried to explain last night as best as I could with Pip and Fatty in the room but I wasn't sure if you understood my message. Please don't think that I'm just using you for kicks. Last night was cosy, it was nice to share a moment like that with someone you consider a friend rather than with someone you've just shared a flirt with."

"Please don't do it again" Estella said and tried to compose herself.

She was hurt and saddened over what had happened the night before. It had indeed been cosy but the price was too high. She could not allow him to let her fantasize about what it would be like to be his belle, it hurt too much to realise that he didn't think of her that way at all. He had just said so himself. She was a friend, not someone to flirt with. It felt like the worst insult he could have given her, she felt like she would give anything to trade with those he considered special enough to flirt with. He was the only one she had truly hoped would see her as something more as ordinary old Estella and instead he saw her as someone so ordinary that he could kiss her and then just forget about it because there was no chance that it meant anything. The truth was she loved him, and for him it was too far a stretch to even imagine that she might love someone like him. He was unattainable; there was no room for her in his love life.

"I just need to know that I didn't offend you" Merry said. "The last thing I want is for you to think you--"

"You did not offend me" she cut him off, fighting her own sadness and heartbreak. "Just don't do it again. I am not someone you can just have a little fun with and then toss aside, Merry!"

"I know, that's why I've been trying to explain to you." He gently grabbed her chin and turned her face to allow their eyes to meet. "You are avoiding me with your eyes. Are you sure there's nothing more?"

She wished she could turn away, she was afraid to even look at him because she was sure she was so in love that it showed. But Merry had her chin in a gentle yet firm grip and she could not avoid his eyes.

"You and I see these things differently" she said with a touch of anger he had never heard before. "For you a kiss is just a kiss, something nice you can share with whoever is nearby and willing. For me it is a display of affection and should not be misused this way. You cannot kiss me like you kiss those girls who mean nothing to you unless I actually do mean something more to you than just a friend. I don't want to be kissed by someone who doesn't feel that way about me. At the very least I ask you to respect that."

Merry nodded and looked miserable for a moment. Estella was heartbroken to realise that even though he had looked at her so closely he had not seen a trace of what she felt for him. It was truly too incredible for him to be able to fathom. He could only see it in someone like Mimosa.

"You are right" he said and let go of her chin. "Again I apologise. It won't happen again, I can promise you that. I hope we can at the least be friends."

"Of course we can" she said in a resigned tone.

"For the record I think you have the better way of looking at this. A kiss is not nearly as special when it's not with someone you care deeply for… I'm going to try and be more like you in the future Estella. From now on I won't kiss a single woman unless I really care about her. And I will sort my love life out once and for all."

"Are you making that promise for yourself or to make yourself look better?" she had to ask and returned to her dishes.

"Now that's the Estella I recognise" Merry said with a chuckle. "Never afraid to tell the truth are you?"

She swallowed hard and thought that he had no idea just how afraid she was of that. She offered a faint smile as he bowed to her in an overly gracious manner and hurried out to join Pippin.

**XX  
XX**

In early September word began to spread that Young Master Merry was planning to get married. Rumour had it that he had gotten himself engaged and that it would be announced at the big party Master Saradoc was throwing. Neither Merry nor his father said anything about it in public but judging by the sly looks on their faces people gathered it was true. When the Brandybucks seemed to be intent on keeping silent all eyes turned to Mimosa Bracegirdle instead. When she was asked about it she simply gave people a mysterious look and said that there was no longer any doubt where she and Merry stood.

Nearly two weeks into September the party was held. One hundred invitations had gone out but there were always those who showed up uninvited. Nobody seemed willing to miss out on the relationship between Merry and Mimosa being made official.

Mimosa walked down the familiar path leading from Brandy Hall to the meadow where the parties were usually held and felt almost nervous. It was a feeling she did not get often, but after this night her life would not be the same again. It was not so odd that she felt that knot in her stomach.

When she arrived at the meadow she spotted him instantly and she felt her heart beating faster. He was standing by the rosebushes talking to Pippin, holding a glass of fine Buckland wine in his right hand. The only thing that kept Mimosa from smiling at the sight of him was the person his left arm was wrapped around. The arm was casually resting around the waist of someone Mimosa vaguely recognised, but she was far too simple for Mimosa to have paid any greater attention to it in the past. She was taken aback for a second. This could not be Merry's future wife. Her whole appearance was so mundane that it was ridiculous to think of her as anything more than perhaps a maid or a nanny. Certainly she was no Mistress of Buckland.

The way Merry held her did not seem very convincing either to Mimosa. She had been the one he had held for four years and she knew what it was like. His arm had never rested around her waist with such casualness and he seemed to be giving most of his attention to his cousin rather than to the lass standing by his side. For a moment Mimosa even wondered if she was indeed his fiancée or if it had all just been another rumour going around.

It only took one closer look at the lass though to make Mimosa certain that she was engaged to Merry. She had both her arms wrapped around him and was holding on to him as if she was afraid he was a dream that might vanish if she let go. Mimosa noticed that she was talking to Pippin too; the conversation actually went between all three of them. When Pippin walked off the lass turned and looked at Merry with the same adoration in her eyes that Mimosa usually had. Reluctantly she had to admit to herself that when the other smiled her face was almost beautiful. She also had to admit that Merry seemed to think so; he smiled back at the lass and gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead.

Mimosa had seen enough for now. She strode over to a table in the outskirts of the party and hoped nobody would see her sitting there under the shade of a tree. She felt crushed and didn't know how to face anyone right now. She had come to the party knowing very well that she would see the lad she loved together with someone else, someone he was said to be engaged to, but she hadn't expected it to be someone like this. This lass was so mundane, so grey and ordinary. Merry deserved better and Mimosa could not comprehend that this dull person had managed to win the spot Mimosa had failed to get in only one eighth of the time Mimosa had spent with Merry.

She stayed on her table for quite some time, listening to the music and the laughs and the jests. No announcement had been made yet but she knew that it was going to come soon. She felt humiliated and didn't want to hear the comments people would have for her, but she couldn't bring herself to leave the party. She would not have them say about her that she just left, that Merry had won. Exactly what he would have won she was not sure of, but she had a distinct feeling that she had lost and thus somebody had to have won and it could only be him.

"Is everything alright?"

Startled Mimosa looked up and her eyes met Pippin's. He offered her a glass of wine and sat down next to her, apparently thinking she wished for company. She felt like snarling at him that if she wanted company she wouldn't be sitting in the dark like this, but instead she took the glass and stared into it as if the answer to all her problems were floating around in it.

"Are you okay?" he asked again.

"How could I be?" she said with a sigh, having not the urge to put up a façade for Merry's best friend. "I waited patiently for him, I stayed loyal to him, I gave him all of my attention for four years… and this is what I get for it?"

Pippin wished he could offer her some comfort. It must be hard for her to see her former beau engaged when she had not found someone new. He knew that a lot of people had expected Mimosa to be the bride-to-be and it must be difficult for her to be at the party and face all the reactions.

"Peregrin you know how much I care for him" she said and sighed. "I deserve to be the one he marries!"

"I know you care" Pippin said gently. "And I know that it must all come as a shock to you. Word never even got out that he was courting Estella. You should have seen the look on Fatty's face when he found out…" He made a face. "Sorry. Me and my big mouth again. I bet that's not the kind of things you want to hear."

"Estella Bolger!" Mimosa cried. "Fatty Bolger's sister! I knew I knew her from somewhere… Pippin he cannot be serious about marrying **Estella Bolger**. One of the Shire's greatest heroes, married to a nobody. She is so pale and ordinary that she practically vanishes by his side! He needs someone like me by his side and he knows it, someone with strength and fortitude and passion. Him and I are made for each other. I am the most coveted maiden and he is the most coveted bachelor. Merry is just out to punish himself, you know that as well as I do. He thinks he doesn't deserve happiness and that he doesn't deserve someone like me so he makes the bed for his own unhappiness by giving his life to someone like her."

Pippin frowned.

"Now wait just a minute Mimosa, that is my best friend's fiancée you are talking about, and my close friend's sister. You don't even know her Mimosa, how can you judge her character?"

"The fact that nobody has noticed her in all her life speaks volume of her character" Mimosa said.

"Or of the vanity of others" Pippin dryly remarked. "I say Merry belongs with whomever makes him happy. He is in love with Estella, and just because you cannot see her fine qualities doesn't mean they are not there. She is very loving and gentle and a great person to be around."

Mimosa snorted. Pippin studied her and realised he was beginning to see her in a new light, for the first time seeing the qualities in her that had made Merry insecure. She was superficial and judgmental and seemed to be unable to see the inner qualities of a person. Her harsh attitude made Pippin draw back. Even though he understood the reason for her bitterness he felt she was overreacting. She and Merry had not been officially together for a year now.

Pippin had been the only one to know that Merry and Estella had begun a romance a few months ago. Exactly how they had manage to become an item after the frosty atmosphere between them in January Pippin didn't know, but he knew what Merry was feeling and how he had reasoned throughout the courtship. Estella was a better choice for him than Mimosa, Pippin understood it fully now.

Merry had not noticed yet that Mimosa was at the party. He didn't even know whether she had been invited or not. He was at the moment busy being playfully scolded by Fatty for having been so secretive during the past months.

"You would think I would be one of the first to be told" Fatty complained.

"You were" Merry said and grinned. "Pippin was the only one to know anything before you did."

Fatty frowned and sighed. But he wasn't mad for real. The truth was he was quite happy to see his sister together with his good friend, they both looked happy and that was enough for him. He had been married since April and was pleased that someone else in his circle of friends was tying the knot, and even more pleased to see his sister find someone who loved her and she loved back. He even understood why they had kept their romance a secret. Fatty would have objected with force if he had known about it earlier, fearing that Merry would do the same thing to Estella as he had to Mimosa.

Merry and Estella had found it to be easy to keep their romance a secret. Merry had only told Pippin, and he had had no comments at first. Merry knew he would support him no matter what he did but he also knew that Pippin would not be afraid to speak his mind and he waited for him to deliver his judgment on the issue. Pippin's only comments however had been that Estella was a great person and that it was a mystery to him that nobody had noticed her fine qualities before. Merry knew that Pippin's comment had meant that his cousin approved.

The difficulties had only started when Merry decided to propose to Estella. He went to speak with her father about it first and had to spend a good hour and a half trying to convince him that he was seriously interested in his daughter and that he would provide a good home for her. Odovacar Bolger, Odo called, was getting old and his health was not the best, and he had quite an unpleasant streak to him which Merry quickly discovered.

"This is nonsense!" he had declared. "You are in love with that Bracegirdle lass."

"Not anymore" Merry had told him for the third time, feeling his patience being on its last legs. "For the past couple of months I have been courting Estella. I can assure you that she will have a good life with me, I will provide well for her."

"Of course you will" Odo had snarled. "You're Master Saradoc's son. The likes of you have loads of money."

The odd discussion had gone back and forth for quite some time before Merry finally gave up and decided it would be better to talk to Fatty about it instead. Odo Bolger seemed to be out of his wits and in such cases the oldest son could count as the head of the family. At least with Fatty Merry wouldn't have to explain five times that he was not joking when he said he wanted to propose marriage.

"If you want her, you can have her" Odo had suddenly said when Merry was on his way to the door. "It would lift a burden off our shoulders."

Even though he knew Odo was referring to the fate of his daughter if she was unwed when her parents died, Merry had frowned at the comment since it made it sound as if Estella herself was the burden. He had not bothered to comment anything further to Odo and only felt glad that Estella wouldn't be living with such an odd father anymore. He realised it must be difficult to see your parent turn into someone like that at an old age and wondered how Fatty and Estella put up with it.

His own father had accepted the news much more easily, for which Merry was thankful. Saradoc had been a bit disappointed that Merry was not going to marry Mimosa but he had not objected to his choice of wife.

"You are grown up, and you have proven beyond any doubt that you are capable of making important decisions on your own" Saradoc had said. "I trust your judgment, if you say this is the girl who will make you the happiest then you are probably right."

Tonight Merry was relieved that the months of secrecy and confusion would be over. After this party everyone would know that he was going to be married in spring and who the bride would be. Perhaps then they would stop sticking their noses into his personal business.

He knew that his father would be announcing the engagement at nine o'clock in the evening. That way everyone would have had a chance to have eaten so that they wouldn't be impatient for the announcement to end, yet they wouldn't have had enough time with the ale to be too drunk. Holding off with the announcement also created an extra excitement to the party, Merry could feel the interested eyes that were constantly on him and Estella.

After a while Merry noticed that his wine glass was empty, and he made his way to get it refilled. On his way over to the refreshments he felt a hand on his arm and found himself looking into Mimosa's eyes. He had never seen them looking at him this way before, for some reason it made him feel nervous.

"We need to speak" she said.

"Now?"

"In private, right now."

Merry knew there was not much point in protesting. He let her lead him back to Brandy Hall where they found a small storage room near the entrance where they could talk in private. As soon as the door closed behind them Mimosa let go of his arm and started using both her arms to wave about her in emphasis of her words.

"How could you do this to me?" she asked with tears running down her face.

"Do this to you? Mimosa I did not do this **to you**, I did it **for me**. You've got to know that you and I were over a year ago?"

"I was nothing but loyal and devoted to you" she said, ignoring his comment. "I waited for you when you were gone, when everybody said you had died I stayed true to you! But that was not enough it seems. You loved me, you love me still, and more importantly I love you and you know it."

"You're right, I do know it" Merry said. "And you're right when you say that I loved you. But I don't love you anymore. My whole life was changed during my adventure and when I came back I needed more than what you had to offer. I am sorry to say it so harshly but it's the truth."

"No it's not the truth, or you wouldn't have stayed with me for nearly a year after you came back! And you wouldn't have kept flirting with me even after we broke up. I could see it in your eyes whenever you held me that you felt for me. I don't understand what I did wrong!"

"The problem was never what I felt when I was with you. You hold this enchantment over me; whenever you were near I would forget everything else and just love you… But when we were apart you were never on my mind. The magic only worked when you were near. You cannot build a long-lasting relationship on that."

"Your feelings for me survived even when we were apart for a year" Mimosa pointed out and tried to dry her tears.

"Mimosa come now…" Merry said. "I am not in love with you anymore and you have known that for some time now. That is not what this is all about, is it?"

"Don't you realise that I have been hurting? Your feelings for me might have changed, but the only change in my feelings for you is that they've deepened. I have never felt so rejected in all my life…"

"I just don't understand why that feeling of rejection comes now and not a year ago" Merry said.

"Honestly I think I could have accepted it if you had found someone good enough for you" she said. "You cannot be serious in marrying **her**! Don't you understand that it's humiliating to find yourself replaced by someone who is nothing?"

"I don't want you talking that way about her" Merry said.

"Merry darling you must realise that you are much too good for the likes of her."

"What is so bad about Estella?" he had to ask.

"She's a grey mouse! So ordinary that she comes fifteen in a dozen! You out of all people cannot have a wife who you forget two minuets after you've met her."

"She's not that mundane" Merry protested. "Yes I know she's not an extraordinary beauty but that doesn't mean she isn't pretty. Have you seen her smile?"

She gave him a look which was probably more fatal than any orc blade he had ever stood before. Merry offered an apologetic grin but decided he had heard enough insulting comments about his fiancée.

"Mimosa if you have nothing further to add to this subject then can we please return to the party? You and I were an item once but we are not one anymore, and who I choose to marry is none of your business."

"Why her?" Mimosa asked. "What could she possibly have that I don't?"

Merry groaned.

"Mimosa why must we have this conversation? You are only going to be hurt and you know it."

"I think I deserve an answer to my question. Why did you leave me only to choose someone like her? Why was **I** not good enough when you know how much I've always loved you?"

"Because you were too high maintenance for it to be worth the bother!" Merry said, fed-up with the conversation. "You are **not** as pretty as you think you are and even if you were that would not be enough to make you special. I am looking for something more long lasting than beauty. Do you honestly think that you can hold a candle to the Elves I have met, or the White Lady of Rohan? She is not only more beautiful than you but she has the type of personality which would make me adore her even if she was the ugliest thing I ever saw! Beauty is not enough Mimosa, and frankly it wouldn't hurt for you to remember that in ten years you won't be as beautiful anymore. You are a nice girl, and I know you can be very loving, but you love yourself more than anyone else and that is not enough for me. You have a temperament which I have never really liked, and you don't have any idea what it means to compromise. I demand something more than what I found in you to be one half of a permanent couple. You may think Estella is mundane and boring but she is in truth vibrant and full of life, only not in the way you expect to see it. She challenges me every day, but she does so in a **good** way. She and I talk, she is intelligent and interested and I have never felt bored in her presence. She works hard and she puts others in front of herself, something I greatly admire. It takes a lot more courage to put someone else's best interest above your own than it takes to go after your dreams no matter what the cost. In her I found everything important that I haven't found in you. There, now I have broken your spirits even further. Are you happy now?"

She stared at him for a full minute without knowing what to say. His speech had both hurt her and surprised her. She was not used to having him, or anyone else, talk to her that way. She didn't know what to say to him, or what she even could say to make him understand.

When no respond came from her Merry gave her shoulder a light squeeze and then left to go back to the party. Mimosa stayed behind, trying to make herself stop trembling before she went back out among the crowds.

"Merry you might be right about a lot of those things but you were wrong about the most important one" she said out loud. "I have always loved you more than myself. You just never took the time to see past my reputation and realise that I cared for you because of you, not because of whose son you were."

But Merry was not around to hear what she had to say anymore. He had hurried back to the party and felt his cheerful mood replaced by the usual gloomy spirit he so often had. A glance at the clock inside had told him that it was fifteen minutes until his father would make the announcement and Merry resented Mimosa for taking the joy out of the evening away from him. He went to find Estella and hoped he would be able to keep the appearance of being in a great mood up for her.

She came up to him with a wondering look on her face and asked what had taken him so long and why he had returned without his wine. He looked down on his hands and realised he hadn't gotten anything else to drink. With a sigh he put his arms around her and pulled her close for a hug. He didn't feel like pretending that he was happy.

"I just had an unpleasant conversation with someone… I'm sorry; you know how easily I get sullen."

"You let other people affect you too easily" she said. "And honestly I think I might have the same problem. It's making me very uncomfortable that all these people are staring at us, can we go to the outskirts and be a bit more to ourselves?"

"At our own engagement party?" Merry said and had to laugh. "You will just have to get used to being in the centre of attention, my dear. For you are about to become the future Mistress of Brandy Hall, wife of sir Merry of Gondor. At least I think that's my title… Come to think of it I never did swear my allegiance to Gondor."

"Oh you talk rubbish" Estella said and smiled. "I see that your father is on his way to the stage. The announcement is about to be made."

"No turning back now" Merry said. "I'm sorry Estella; you're just going to have to live with being in the limelight in the future."

They turned their attention towards Merry's father, along with everybody else there. The band stopped playing and everyone quieted down to hear the announcement. Mimosa came back to the party just in time to hear it and with a twitch of her neck she held her head high and ignored the looks people gave her. There was nothing she could do to change Merry's decision, and she had made up her mind never to let on to anyone just how much it hurt to be denied.

She could see him clearly from where she was standing and the sight of him hurt as well. He was standing behind Estella with his arms wrapped around her and his chin resting on the top of her head. As his father began to speak Merry moved his head to make his chin rest against Estella's and Mimosa could see that he was rocking her slightly. With a sting of jealousy she remembered one evening when he had laid with her on the rug by the fireplace and he had held his arms around her protectively. She had loved the feeling of being in his arms and had longed to go to sleep every night with those arms protecting her. Now that privilege would befall someone else.

As his father began to mention the titles the couple-to-be would have Merry whispered something in Estella's ear which caused her to giggle. She was indeed rather pretty when she smiled, Mimosa hated he for that. When his father had mentioned the two titles the couple would have Merry spoke up and added one Mimosa had never heard before.

"And Lord and Lady Holdwine of Mark!" he cried.

"As if she would ever have any use of that title" Pippin couldn't help but add with rolling eyes.

The idea of Estella Bolger as Lady Anything was ridiculous to Mimosa. Inside she was furious that she had been cheated of such a title by someone like Estella, but anyone who looked at her would think she was fine with all of it. She made very sure to keep her blasé appearance up.

When the announcement had been made Mimosa could see Estella turn around in Merry's arms and say something to him with a giggle. He smiled at her and leaned down to give her a gentle kiss. The sight of him kissing someone else that way was enough for Mimosa. She had seen him kiss other girls since they ended their courtship but it hadn't bothered her since as long as he was kissing many he wasn't particularly attached to one. But the way he kissed the lass in his arms this evening was more than Mimosa could bear. She left the party and silently cursed that dull lass who had captured the lad Mimosa had loved for so long. It just wasn't fair.

**XX  
XX**

That spring Merry and Estella were married, and after Merry's cry at the engagement party a lot of people took up calling them Lord and Lady Holdwine, more for the fun of it than for anything else. They settled in the house at Crickhollow and Pippin moved back to the Great Smials over the summer to give them some privacy during the first months. In October he moved back, and a party was held to celebrate the event.

Mimosa had not been able to resist attending any parties that summer, even at the risk of seeing Merry with his new wife, but to her surprise Estella had not accompanied Merry to a single party all summer long. Mimosa had to admit to herself that she was surprised, and she found herself evilly hoping that Merry was realising what a mistake he had made. He loved going to parties and he had a wife who preferred to stay home. They were too different to make a good couple.

A few hours into Pippin's Welcome Home party Mimosa was even more convinced than before that Estella was too dull for Merry. Not even when they had a party at their own home did she attend. Merry had been on his own all evening. Mimosa hated to admit it to herself but she always kept an eye on him when they were at the same party. She wouldn't dream of going up to speak with him unless she was forced to, and asking him for a dance was out of the question. She wanted him to come to her. She knew that he never might, but if he didn't then at least she hadn't thrown herself at him after the fact. He was never going to find out that she still wanted him.

When it was drawing near eleven o'clock at night Estella finally appeared. Mimosa noticed her from watching Merry and seeing that he had spotted her. She followed him with her eyes as he walked up to the front door of the house with a smile and reached out his hand to lead Estella by the arm out into the party area. That's when Mimosa noticed something that explained why Merry was on his own at all the parties. The October night was chilly and Estella had a long, brown woollen scarf around her shoulders to keep her warm. Once she was outdoors she placed the scarf so that it covered up her front side but she wasn't fooling anyone. She was going to have a baby in only a few months. The idea of Merry having children with someone else had never even occurred to Mimosa before. It was really the final proof that he was no longer hers and that he never would be again. He had made his wife pregnant and the arm resting around her was more protective now than it had ever been before.

Mimosa didn't bother to hide that she was staring. She saw him lead Estella to a group of people and stop to chat with them for a while. Estella's brother and his wife were in the crowd and they seemed to have a lot to say to one another for they chatted for some time. Then Merry led Estella aside to the outskirts of the party, where she always seemed to be more comfortable.

"Can you imagine that it has only been a year and a half since I was nothing more than a friend to you?" Estella said with a smile as she looked out over the partying Hobbits.

"I know…" Merry said and placed his hands on her shoulders. "I've calculated that the child will be born roughly two years after that time I kissed you in your parents' sitting room. I really never thought on that day that I would be standing here today with you. I'm so glad I didn't ruin things before they had even started, you could so easily have told me to stay away after that incident and we never would have come to care for one another as we did that spring."

"Merry you are completely oblivious and you always were" Estella said with a resigned sigh.

Merry wasn't sure what she meant by that but he could find out later. Right now it was late and she ought to get to bed and get some rest. He had not planned on having any parties at Crickhollow until the baby was born but the return of Pippin had to be celebrated somehow. He would let her go back inside and then find his cousin before he drank up all the good wine.

Mimosa saw Merry lean in and give his wife a soft, long kiss, the way Mimosa knew he kissed when he was in one of his tender moods. She decided she had had enough fun for one night and made her way towards the stables to fetch her pony. On the way she nearly collided with Pippin who had just helped his sister get her pony saddled to go home. He looked at Mimosa with curious eyes.

"Leaving so soon?" he asked.

"I hate to tell you this Pippin, but your party is nothing short of a bore" she snarled, not in the mood for small talk with him of all people.

"You can't leave without at least one dance with the guest of honour, now can you?" Pippin grinned, almost seeming amused by her annoyance.

"Oh sod off Peregrin" she said and strode off towards the stables.

"Mimosa!" he called after her and was surprised that she stopped. "I know what's bothering you…"

"Mind your own business."

"If you really love him, wouldn't you want him to be happy?"

Mimosa remembered something Merry had said to her on the night of his engagement party. She turned and looked at Pippin and felt resigned.

"Of course I do. I'm just not the type who is willing to put his happiness above my own and keep a smile on my face. Not in a case like this. I want him for myself and I can't accept that he doesn't want me back."

Pippin didn't respond and she walked off towards the stables. He watched her go and mused for a moment over how strange it was. This lass was every Hobbit bachelor's dream, but she had not been enough for Merry. He had not needed a sparkling gem; he had needed someone who was a diamond in the rough. Pippin realised he was just the same way. Beauty would fade but the inner qualities would not. He suddenly felt a longing to find his diamond in the rough.

He went back to the party and sought out Merry's company. Together they shared a tankard of ale and the mood was as gloomy as it had been on that night when they sat by the campfire with Frodo and Sam. Pippin thought of how he had pestered his cousin about Mimosa over the years and felt ashamed. Merry didn't want to listen to Pippin's apologies however.

"If I can't handle a little teasing then I'm not much fun, am I?" he said. "Stop trying to apologise. You're just drunk, that's all."

"I may have had a lot of ale tonight but there's one thing I am clear on…" Pippin said and handed the tankard to Merry.

"What is that?" Merry asked and took a sip before handing it back.

"That I am going to learn from your mistakes. I'm not going to let a pair of sweet eyes and a coquettish smile get in the way of my better judgment. I want to find someone who fits me as well as Estella fits you."

"I'll drink to that" Merry said. "That is if you can take your sip and hand the tankard back to me before we are both past a hundred!"

Pippin took a deep sip and then handed the tankard to Merry with a smile. It was funny the way life turned out sometimes. That night by the campfire none of them would have guessed that Merry would settle down with Fatty Bolger's sister.

"You know, all mistakes I've made have not been bad" Merry said thoughtfully.

"Name one that was good."

"That second time I kissed Estella" Merry said. "She doesn't even know it, but if it hadn't been for that kiss we would have been here today. She told me the next day that she didn't see kissing the way I did, for her it was a display of affection and not something you did with any random person. Luckily I was only so blockheaded that it took me a couple of weeks rather than forever to really realise what had happened that night. The way she had kissed me back, that was the way she would have kissed someone she loved. When I realised that I realised her feelings for me. Had I never made the mistake of kissing her, and had she never made the mistake of telling me what she told me about kisses, then we wouldn't be married today."

"So you and Estella both made mistakes that turned out for the better" Pippin concluded. "You are a good match."

But Pippin had learned something from Mimosa's mistakes and not just from Merry's. If he found someone he knew he wanted he would not let them go, he would make sure he got them before he lost them to someone else.

He took the tankard back from Merry again and glanced out over the people who were at the party. He wondered if his diamond in the rough was among them.

**XXX  
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Thank you for reading! Please review!

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing but the characters I made up and the story itself.


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